And how do we begin to heal?
Few things are more disorienting than losing someone you love, especially
when it's sudden, unexpected, or traumatic. The world shifts. Time slows down.
Your nervous system is overwhelmed.
There are waves that come - of shock, sadness, confusion - and you wonder how to even begin functioning, let alone how to heal.
[You may always listen to this article and others on the Faith & Soul Care Podcast, here or at your preferred podcast platform:]
Grief is not just emotional. It's physical. It's cognitive. It's
spiritual and relational. And it doesn't follow a neat little timeline.
----- I’m going to come back to this
full episode, but I do have to insert an announcement right here.
I am so excited to announce that
enrollment is now open for the next Faith and Soul Care Foundations Cohort!
It officially begins the week of July 14th.
You're going to have access to the
full Foundations course, and then you’re going to have three live, small group
coaching sessions on Saturday mornings.
All of this—for just $37—because there
are only three group coaching sessions this time. In the fall, there will be
six sessions, so this summer round is a special opportunity.
You’ll get continued access to the
course and can go through it at your own pace. You’ll also get my full life
counseling framework and the opportunity to receive live coaching support from
me - plus encouragement from others as we walk through our own challenges.
Whether that be a commitment to draw
closer to God, dealing with overwhelm, relationship pain, grief, prolonged
grief, or simply seeking to feel more connected to God - this will be for you.
In the show notes and on the blog,
there is a link to register. Don’t wait, because spots will be limited.
It accepts PayPal, and there's even a
small payment plan. This is accessible to anyone - whether you’ve never had
counseling or coaching before, or even if you have.
You can come to the small group
without saying anything. You can just watch and learn. You can learn a whole
lot by watching other women on similar paths being coached.
So I encourage anyone and everyone
with any amount of interest to jump in and spend some time together.
If you can’t make all of the Saturday
morning live sessions on Zoom, those will be recorded—so if you miss one, you
can still benefit from everything taught live. -----------
Now, back to our topic.
In this episode and blog post, I want to gently walk you through a few
essential things we know from counseling, psychology, and biblical wisdom that
can support you - or someone you love -through grief.
I’m also going to introduce you to a beautiful resource from my friend
Hadassah Treu (her last name is spelled T-R-E-U). Hadassah is a woman who has
walked this road and found God in the deep places of loss.
The first thing I want to share with you is this:
Grief is the price we pay for love.
And the brain struggles to let go of that.
One of the most important things to understand is that grief is a natural
and necessary response to the loss of a relationship bond.
Research in the psychology of relationships shows that when we form deep
relationships, we also form attachment systems in the brain - powerful
neural patterns that associate love with security, belonging, and routine.
So when that bond is broken by death, the brain doesn’t know how to “unwire
and rewire” immediately.
You’ll instinctively expect to hear their voice from the other room.
You’ll pick up the phone to call them, even though they’re gone. You’ll look
for them in moments when you need comfort.
That’s why grief feels like such a shock. It can be destabilizing. It can
feel surreal.
It’s not just the loss of a person. It’s the collapse of a relationship
that your soul (your thoughts, emotions, sense of self, and sense of identity)
had been built and structured around.
It takes time for the body and brain to process that the person is
physically gone. And that’s why we need both time and relational
safety to begin healing.
The second thing I want to share is:
You do not have to rush the process.
But there are things you can do to support it.
In counseling, we often remind grieving clients:
There is no wrong way to grieve.
But there are helpful ways to care for yourself while you’re grieving.
Here are a few gentle, research-supported practices to support your mind
and nervous system when you’re processing a loss:
- Slow down.
Move slowly. Breathe deeply.
Grief activates the stress response, so grounding practices like breathing, walking in nature, and having warm tea can help calm your body.
Refer to the episode from a few weeks ago on the Overwhelmed Soul
for more strategies, including a practice I call Yahweh Breathing.
- Name what you feel.
Studies show that naming emotions, even just saying, “I feel lost” or “I feel angry,” helps the brain process them.
Get out an old thesaurus or search for synonyms online. Use specific
words for sadness, grief, anger. Say: “I’m irritable,” “I’m despairing,” “I
feel abandoned.”
This helps you label and process your different levels of emotions emotions,
which helps your brain do the same.
- Talk to someone safe.
We heal in relationship.
Whether it’s a friend, a counselor, or a trained grief coach - don’t carry it all alone.
- Pray honestly.
Expressive prayer, lament, even writing out your prayers - this helps you pour out your pain while staying connected to God.
Remember, the Bible tells us that Christ was a man of sorrows—He
was acquainted with grief (Isaiah 53:3). Grief is a form of trauma, and it needs
slowing down and time to process.
Thirdly, God will meet you in the grief.
He doesn’t wait for you to "get over it." In the Bible, grief
is center stage in many places.
It’s not ignored or downplayed. It’s named and shared.
Jesus wept at the grave of Lazarus.
The Psalms are filled with soul-deep cries, like Psalm 42:3:
"My tears have been my food day and night."
God does not turn away from grief.
Often, it’s in the deep grief and hurting where God shows up
the strongest.
----------------------------------------------
Let me share a brief story.
A couple of years ago, I was facilitating a study group with women, and
three of the women had lost their husbands in their 30s and 40s. They were
young widows, with children still at home.
I asked them, “After losing someone so close, why didn’t you walk away
from God? Why do you still believe?”
Do you know what each one of them said?
In the beginning of their grief, God showed up.
He made His presence known in ways they couldn’t deny.
Psalm 34:18 says:
"The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in
spirit."
And those ladies testified to that truth. That is not just a descriptive
statement. It is a promise.
Seek Him in your grief—He comes near.
Sometimes, as Christians, we feel pressured to move on quickly—because we
believe our loved one is in a better place. But biblically, grief is an invitation
to draw nearer to God.
My friend and fellow writer Hadassah Treu knows the pain of
disconnection, trauma, and
loss. She became a widow at age 44 after suddenly
losing her husband while living in a foreign country.
 |
| Haddassah Treu |
One of her blog articles is titled The Art of Emotional Connection.
She explains that most of us – and this is so true - were never
taught how to emotionally process pain. Even in Christian circles, we’re
tempted to bypass emotions in the name of faith.
 |
| Draw Near - Find on Amazon |
One truth she shared really resonated with me:
"Avoidance is not an act of faith. Acknowledging the emotional
disconnect is." – Hadassah Treu
Trying to avoid the hard emotion and just trust God—that’s not an act of faith.
Acknowledging it and bringing it to Him is where the connection happens.
Hadassah outlines a practical path through grief:
- Acknowledge emotional disconnect
- Identify lies you believe about
emotions
- Replace those lies with God’s
truth
- Name and express emotion in God's
presence
- Be with others and let them
witness your pain
This list is also in the blog post and in the show notes, along with a
link to Hadassah’s book Draw Near.
Another quote from her:
“We can follow our compassionate Lord and learn to sit and be present and
share in the painful emotions of our hurting soul.” (from Hadassah Treu)
-----------------------------------------------
Finally, a word of hope:
If you’re grieving, whether after an unexpected death or after the loss
of a relationship - you are not weak. You are not faithless. You are
grieving.
Grief means you loved, and God is not impatient with your pain.
You may feel like you need to move on quickly because of the hope we have
in Christ.
Yes, we have hope. But it is not God asking you to move on or pretend to be
okay.
He’s asking you what He always asks and desires of us : Come closer to
Him.
Let your tears speak.
Sit in silence with Jesus.
Let the Holy Spirit intercede for you.
Jesus was acquainted with grief.
And with God—healing will come.
Because He draws near to the brokenhearted.
--------------------------------------------------
If this episode resonated with you or you think it will help someone you
love, please share it.
Share the podcast episode.
Check out Hadassah’s book Draw Near for more soul encouragement.
And join the summer cohort. Invite a friend. Just $37—this
is the lowest it will be all year.
It’s going to be a beautiful experience. You’ll also learn techniques to help
you minister to others and become a strong anchor in your circle of influence.
Bye for now.
I hope to see you or interact with you soon.
Gratefully,
Sherry